Samstag, 31. Mai 2008

You’ve been too long in Lithuania, when …

you only eat in restaurant-chains, which start with Čili

you put ketchup on your pizza and think that’s the way Italians do it

half of your friends disappear to work in the British Isles or Scandinavia or the United States and you think that’s normal

you have become tired of explaining to your friends and relatives at home, that you are a.) not in Latvia b.) not in Russia and c.) Riga isn’t the capital of the Baltic

with a meal you drink either beer or tea

basketball has become the most important thing in your life

there is only one beer for you: Švyturys Extra

half of the population working as “managers” seems reasonable to you

tall blonde beauties in short skirts are nothing special for you anymore

during winter, instead of looking for a thermostat to adjust the temperature in your room, you just open the window

you learned everything about the glorious Lithuanian language, and now you get angry about ignorant people denying the existence of a Lithuanian language or, worse, consider it some branch of Slavic languages

you’ve learned the hard way that a triangle means women’s toilet and a triangle upside down means men’s

during a long night of partying you went out pissing in the cold streets because there was only one unisex toilet in the whole pub

you think drunkards shouting at you in Russian are a normal part of life

when you enter a bus and there is no strange smell you think there’s something wrong

buses without antennae seem awkward to you

anything goes wrong you blame the Russians, or the Polish or the rest of the world

you think hot chocolate means melted chocolate and you love it

you see someone smiling in public, you think: well, a bloody foreigner

a meal for you must contain either potato or meat, but usually both

you start leaving out the articles, even in English and your native language

you become scared meeting big old babushkas in furs, because they trample down everything in their way

you are afraid crossing a street, especially at zebra crossings or traffic lights

you feel guilty entering a flat wearing your shoes

you consider cranberry the best flavour for water, juice and vodka

you think beer is a soft drink not an alcoholic beverage, only vodka is

going to the opera, the concert hall or the theatre is just a usual thing to do in the evenings

forenames like Christmas’ tree, mermaid, amber or wind seem normal to you

everything 50m above sea-level seems like a mountain

you start counting the ground floor as first floor

someone, you haven’t known for more than three years, talks to you, you try to get rid of him as soon as possible

you got a one centimetre haircut, bought a fake leather jacket and a black cap (if you are male) OR: you bought a skirt at the size of a belt and don’t leave the house without tons of make-up (if you are female)

you consider smoked pig’s ears a tasty beer snack

you love the Baltic Sea and go swimming there at nearly any temperature

you love going to the Sauna, but always leave your trunks/bikini on

for you, garlic has become an ingredient just like salt or pepper

you consider Lithuania the best and worst place on earth – at the same time

you teach everybody that in medieval times the Lithuanian Duchy ranged from the Baltic to the Black Sea

you put an “as”, “a” or “is” at the end of foreign names, so you can conjugate them

you carry around five cell phones and several cards from eight different phone-companies, so that you always get the best price.

You consider fastening your seatbelt a sign of weakness and are not surprised if a car hasn’t seatbelts at all.

In your eyes Coca Cola is the unhealthiest drink in the world and that drinking lots of beer, sugary juice and bread drink prolongs your life

you haven't seen a bright sky for months and you don't miss it anymore

you consider rain the normality and sunshine a special weather phenomenon

your lock is broken and you have to wait till monday that somebody is repairing it (today is saturday) - Burns personal experience!!

to be continued...

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